Mike, Nat and Shane have all picked stories that they think is worth a revisit for the isPodcast Summer Series. Mike has selected Rod Soper’s talk with Natalie Moutafis about the ways parents can prepare their kids for starting school.
Links to what we discussed:
First year at school: Essential tips for parents and carers
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Mike Broadstock
Hi everyone, and welcome to isPodcast Summer Series. I’m Mike Broadstock.
We’ve had some amazing guests on isPodcast since we started the show, so Nat, Shane and I have each picked a story we think is worth a fresh listen over the summer break.
With the return to school not too far away, Rod Soper’s talk with Natalie Moutafis, about the ways parents can help prepare their kids for starting school, was an easy choice.
Natalie Moutafis:
Hi Rod. Thanks for joining isPodcast.
Rod Soper:
Hi there. How are you going?
Natalie Moutafis:
I'm well, thank you. Now, the reason we are talking today is because through Early Childhood Australia and the Australian Primary Principals Association, a revised addition of the book First Year at School, Essential Tips for Parents and Carers has come out and you’re one of the co-authors on this updated version.
Now this topic is very close to my heart because I have a kindy kid who's transitioning to prep next year. So, I'm doing all the reading and finding out all the information that I can to help our little guy. So, when I came across this book through ISV, I was really interested. So, I'm very keen to get some of your tips and tricks, which I'm sure other first time school parents would be also keen to get.
But I know when I was reading the book, it was saying that you really should start preparing 12 months prior to starting school. Can you tell me a little bit more about this timeline?
Rod Soper:
It is such a big transition, prior to school setting, young children, they might be you know in a long daycare, there might be in a family daycare, there might be in a preschool setting. It's not all that often that it's five days a week, full days.
Natalie Moutafis:
No, well, I know my son's not full time, he's close to it, but he's not. And I know lots of other children at our early years centre are not. So, I can just imagine this transition from, two and above days a week to this five days; and they're not as long as some kids are in long daycare, but if you haven't gone to long daycare, or if you're only going one or two days a week, that's a massive change to your routine.
Rod Soper:
Yes. And you're only four, five, or maybe six. Do you know what I mean?
Natalie Moutafis:
Yes.
Rod Soper:
It's super young. And while we know they've got bucketloads of energy, they also don't pull back and go, ‘Right. I've got just hold out for the day. Don't peak too early.’ It's just go, go, go. From the minute they're up and running.
So, there's definitely the confidence piece. And for me, the big thing is around being able to do lots of things on your own, particularly in the year prior to school, going to school. Whether they're four or five, they really need to be doing things independently.
You've got to remember that it's often 1 to 25, maybe 1 to 20, could even be 1 to 30. One teacher and all those other children. So, you've really got to have your wits about you, got to have those capacities to go: ‘Oh, I'm a bit stuck. What should I do?’ rather than just stopping and then looking around and going, ‘Right. Okay. The end’.
Because we know that they actually need those skills. Now, can they have those skills? Absolutely. But they do take a bit of time to develop. And I think they're one of those things that we often see they move from not being able to get dressed independently to being able to do that. I mean, that's a wonderful example. So, if you know your child's already starting to do that, great. Can they put on a jumper? Can they put on their shoes? They certainly have the capacity to tie their shoe laces. They might choose not to.
Natalie Moutafis:
I was going to say, I know they can do it, but there's being able to do it and wanting to do it.
Rod Soper:
That's right. That's right.
Natalie Moutafis:
Yeah.
Rod Soper:
But I think it's that understanding and discussion with your child to be able to really help them to understand how important it is that they can do some of these things, whether it's buttons and zippers and all those things. And of course, we take some of that for granted, like ’Oh, well’.
It's all part of being connected at school because they're watching their friends, and I think it's a wonderful way to encourage them to say, when you're at school, your friends are going to be able to do this, you can do it with them and get on and go and play.
You're not going to be being bothered by having to wait for someone to come and do this for you because you can do it. So, it's changing the focus from, ‘I can't really be bothered’ to, ‘oh wow, if I learn this, this is going to really help me to have a much more fun time with my friends in the playground and at recess and lunch.’
And you don't want to get left behind if you're still putting your shoes on or waiting for the teacher to do it. Your friends are already out in the play area.
Natalie Moutafis:
You don’t want to miss out kind of thing.
Rod Soper:
That's right. And we are exactly the same as adults, it's got nothing to do with age. I think often people ask me about literacy and numeracy. Should they be able to read, should they be able to write, all that stuff? And I always say, ‘One of the best things you can do is just make it known to them about letters and sounds’ and things like that. Because so much, I often say, ‘It's nearly 90, if not more per cent of their day experiencing literacy’.
And so, taking that year before to just have some fun and first of all, the letters of their names, not talking about writing, just recognizing: ‘Oh, look Mum, there's a...’ (if their name’s Rod!) ‘… Look there's an R or there's an R’. And you're like, ‘Oh yeah, awesome!’. And on the cereal pack or on the street side, ‘Oh, there's...’ They just start to recognise the shapes and the forms of letters.
And it's just because what you want them to be able to do when they come home from school in the first couple of weeks go, ‘Oh, we're doing this. We had to learn about R today Mum. I already know it.’ And you're like, ‘Yes, that's best answer I could ever get from you.’
Because it's just that familiar connection to it. Their brain synapses are on a thousand trillion a second, their brain is ready for all this stuff. Often parents say, ‘Oh, well, we don't want to get it wrong. The literacy stuff.’ And I said, ‘Well, we are a digitally immersed culture now.’ So, there's a wonderful, wonderful app that's been put together by Macquarie University and also in collaboration with ABC, it's called Reading Eggs. And you may or may not have heard about it.
Natalie Moutafis:
Yes. I'm across that one.
Rod Soper:
It just gives all that really fundamental, basic stuff. So, you are like, ‘Oh, what sound does that letter make?’ Reading Eggs will help and that sort of stuff, but don't worry about writing it, but the fact that they can recognise some of those letters. Do they have to? Absolutely not. But if they can, it's a winner- winner and their brains are ready for it. And if it's fun and you are sitting there and you're just having a bit of a giggle with them and you're laughing and they point it out and it's spontaneous and it's part of a game and all that sort of stuff, then it is just natural learning from the most significant people in their lives. So that when they get to school, and the teachers are: ‘Let's talk about this. And they're like, ‘Oh yeah, I already know that’.
Natalie Moutafis:
Giving that bit of confidence too.
Rod Soper:
Absolutely. Absolutely.
Natalie Moutafis:
And I know that I spoke to some of my colleagues at ISV who are in the early years space when I was doing an article for The Parents' Website earlier this year, again, talking about starting school.
And they made a point of mentioning that the reading and the writing and the literacy and the numeracy. Yes, it's as you say, it's important that they've got an understanding of it, but some parents out there have this belief that children should be able to read and write to a degree before they start school. When in fact that's what they should learn by the end of their first year of school.
Rod Soper:
You're absolutely right. But the funniest thing is, most of them, if you are reading with them every night and they've got favourite stories, most of them are already hitting the reading mark, because we've got to remember that the brain will see a shape, which is just basically the letters on the page. And we don't go, ‘Oh, we're going to read the word read.’ We don't go, ‘Oh, no, that's an R and then an E.’ We don't do it like that. Now we just go, ‘Oh, that's read.’ We see that word and we just know it.
And very interesting, some research that's been done at Cambridge University about the fact that the shape of words, particularly that the beginning and the end is incredibly interesting in terms of how quickly we’re able to remember and have that recall of words.
And I think the other piece of puzzle that there's an amazing piece of research, Australian research, that actually says if parents read or carers read in the years prior to school, they actually can have their children five or six months ahead of everybody else who hasn't had a bedtime story every night.
That's how that relates, it's two things, relationship number one, and that you are demonstrating your passion and your love for literacy and literature by reading the story. But the second thing is, it's the fact that you keep doing it, keep doing it. And I don't know about your little guy, but does he have a favourite story?
Natalie Moutafis:
Yeah, he has lots of favourite stories, but the funny thing is we can read a book, we go to the library most weeks just to add to the collection and I can read the book once and he remembers it and he's recalling the words off the page and knows where they fall on each part of the book. And it just blows my mind. And I'm like, ‘I know it's just a memory thing, but how do you remember this when we've never had this book before?’
Rod Soper:
Yeah. Because he's loving it, because you love it. That relationship piece, it just is. And I think the second thing is he is reading. I mean, by the definition of reading, he is already doing it. No, he can't decode yet – ‘decode’ is just simply to be able to pull the letters apart, remember what sounds they make and then put it back together again to know what the word says – but he's already reading because he's remembering all that stuff.
And so many parents go, ‘My child should be reading.’
I'm like, ‘Well, can they tell you their favourite story?’
And they go, ‘Yep.’
Well, they're already doing it. They're already loving it. They're already getting the concepts. And they're doing that because those parents are just in there loving it and getting excited and mixing them up.
Read the words wrong I always say! And then you want your child to go, ‘Yeah. Okay. What are you doing? That doesn’t make sense! Are you sure? Are you sure? Like, yes, I'm sure!’
And it's all the emergent reading. It's literacy, literacy, literacy. So, I think to those parents that are putting themselves under the pressure of saying they need to be able to read prior to school. I think you need to cut yourself a little bit of slack and if you've been reading and your children are already showing interest in literature and literacy, then they're already well and truly on the pathway to success.
And for those people out there that go, ‘My child is not interested in it at all.’
You know what? The biggest advantage that they've got is their high passionate interest levels. So just read and find stuff about stuff they want to know about, around topics they want to know about.
I had a little guy who was not interested in reading at all but talk to him about dragons. They don't even exist, but he knows more about dragons than you know the back of your hand type thing. But he wasn't interested in a book, to read it. But as soon as you say, ‘oh, let's read the book.’ ‘No, but I want to find out about dragons.’
Well, the next thing you know, using all that pre-emergent reading discovery questions: ‘Oh, what about this? What's that?’ Next thing you know, he was saying, ‘Oh, that's exactly what that's written there.’ And all of a sudden, it just clicked for him. And he was like, ‘Oh, okay.’ And now he just loves books.
Natalie Moutafis:
So, what else? Aside from literacy, would you recommend parents address or consider for that transition?
Rod Soper:
That big piece around being social. And that's an interesting one given COVID that we're dealing with, being able to make a friend, keep a friend, how to restore friendship when things don't go our way, that's a big one.
You don't need to have the same age friends to be able to do this and to do the prep work. There's a couple of families who they're still a bit on the nervous side of things about getting back out in the community, for all sorts of different reasons.
And it's about teaching your children through what we often call social play, where you set up a situation where you add a story or a scenario and you work through it. And then I often say to parents, ‘One of the things you could do is ask them about what they think school's going to be like, and let them be the teacher’, and then you'll get to see what they're like or what they think school is like.
Or you have a play, you create a scenario at home, and you be the protagonist and you be the one that is a bit annoying or a bit of a pain in the scenario. As you watch your child start to negotiate that, you don't let them accelerate into going crazy about it, but just stop and say: ‘Okay, so if we’re stuck here, what are some options? What could we do? Who can help us? How can you help yourself?’ Those sorts of things.
And when it's in a game and through play, our synapses are firing, the left side of the brain is working with the right side of the brain. Our nervous system is creating memory pathways and all those sorts of things. And so that's when we start to learn that behaviour that we can use in the middle of a tricky situation.
Rod Soper:
So, I always say that social thing. How to introduce yourself: ‘Hi, I'm Rod.’ That type of thing, some children don't even know how to do that, but it's an important thing, particularly to meet new friends. But what happens when the game changes or if you like, the stress is added, so what do we do? How do we maintain ourselves? Or self-regulate through that? That's incredibly important.
If you're seeing your child having really big emotions, nothing wrong with having big emotions, they're real, they're present, but it's really important. How do we work with them to bring them back to normal? And there's some amazing resources out there.
One of the ones that I often direct parents to is The Mehrit Centre and it's put together by Dr. Stuart Shanker. And he's got a wonderful website, just dedicated to parents to give tips and tricks on how to help with managing big emotions.
Natalie Moutafis:
Oh, we'll find that link and link to it in the show notes. Because that sounds really interesting.
Rod Soper:
Yeah, it's fantastic. His work around self-regulation is just such a delight and seeing behaviour as thinking, it's really important. So rather than seeing it as misbehaviour, for example, your child is showing you through this big emotion where they're up to, what they can and cannot do, the fact that they've got to the end of their tether, and they don't have any resources to bring themselves down.
It's tough doing that as an adult when we're super angry, right? So, imagine what it's like being a four-year-old, who's just having a crack at this for the first time, outside of the family home.
So, this is why this stuff is so important from that year leading up to school. If you'd come to Thinkers.inq, we'd be doing it from the moment you walked in the door, because for me, it's so important to have that skill stretched and then stretched again and stretched again for them to grow and grow and grow, because that mastery around that is vital and it's across the lifespan thing and it won't fail them from the first year of school to the last year of school, whether that's high school or whether that's tertiary education or whether it's post graduate studies. It's the same stuff.
Natalie Moutafis:
Now, my other question is the book's about the first year at school.
Rod Soper:
Yes.
Natalie Moutafis:
So, during that first year, parents obviously play a vital part as do the teachers.
Rod Soper:
Absolutely. Yeah.
Natalie Moutafis:
From your perspective as having been in that teaching and head of school position, what can parents do to help teachers in that first year?
Rod Soper:
The first thing is, that is super, super important, that if you've got any concerns about your child, to reach out to the teacher in the first couple of weeks, make a time and just sit down and share your insights.
You are the one, parents are the ones that know their child the most intimately. And to share that insight with the teacher is so valuable. Don't just go to them and say, ‘oh, can I just catch you? I just want to tell you a few things about my child.’ No, no, no, no, because that conversation: A) it's not respectful to the teacher's time, but more importantly, it's not respectful to the child.
We take dedicated time to talk about really, really important things across all aspects of our life. And this is one of those times that is so important. So, make that dedicated time, sit down, tell a story, bring some notes, bring a story, tell them about their journey.
Tell them about the things that are on your heart and give that teacher the insight to be an equally powerful influencer in your child's life, rather than them having to play a guessing game or catch up, because remember your child is one of between 20 and 30 children.
So, anything that you can do is really helpful, make that time and honour their role as the teacher and share that journey in a time when both of you have set your focus aside to just be a focusing on your child and then just that caring and concern, I think that's number one.
I think the second one then is just remember that your child will come home with stories from a five-year-old perspective. If you hear a story, reach out to the teacher and just say, ‘Look, my child came home today and said that they played with no one. They know no one, they've got no friends at all. Could you just clarify the situation for me?’
And they'll say, ‘Well, this is what happened. This is who they were playing with. This is what they were doing. They were busy all day. They were hanging out with these guys.’
‘Amazing. Thank you.’
And then you can go back and say, ‘Oh, I heard you were playing on the equipment today with Joe and Dave.’
And they go, ‘Oh yeah, that's right.’
And you're like, ‘Yes, that's not what you said.’
Natalie Moutafis:
So that partnership working together.
Rod Soper:
100%. Yeah.
Natalie Moutafis:
With the school, the teacher and remembering that they are five-year-olds or four-year-olds.
Rod Soper:
Yeah. I think that's the other thing is, be one of those parents that seeks first be before being overwhelmed by what is often a five-year old's version of a complex situation.
Natalie Moutafis:
That's a wonderful way to think of it.
Rod Soper:
It's not that their perspective's not right. It's their perspective and their truth, but there's obviously just, there's more pieces to the puzzle.
Natalie Moutafis:
There's something missing at times. Yeah.
Rod Soper:
Oh, there often is. Yeah.
Natalie Moutafis:
Yeah. What we'll do is we'll link to the book in our show notes. That's The First Year at School: Essential Tips for Parents and Carers, which you've given us some wonderful gems. Thank you very much.
I know my mummy heart is feeling much more relaxed about sending my big kindy kid off to prep next year. So, I'm sure I'm not going to be alone. There's going to be other parents out there who are going to feel a little bit more relaxed and much more confident in sending their kids off to big school. So, thanks, Rod, for joining us today.
Rod Soper:
Absolute pleasure. Thank you for having me.